westley (esthappen) wrote,

chatty cathy.

I recently started classes. It feels real this time. Real school. Maybe because they are day classes twice a week makes it more school like than last semester's once a week night class. During the day it feels like college with shitty attitude cafeteria ladies, locker rooms, lines everywhere, and the library packed with people looking at myspace on computers that say "research only".
I feel so anonymous there, it's kind of amazing. I have run into a few people I know but for the most part it's this giant community college where I am nobody. It's so anonymous I started using my legal name in class. After an entire lifetime of first days at school where the teacher said my name and I said some other nickname I went by, I decided fuck it, who cares. I started doing this last semester but the professor couldn't say my name for some reason and just called me Mr. Rutter all semester, which made me feel like I was in some weird prep school.
In my tennis class you have to greet eachother and I'm thinking of telling people they can call me "Cash" because it's more similar in being monosyllabic and probably more of a familiar name. It feels dangerous somehow to go by two names like my school persona and my regular life will somehow clash and make for some awkward situation but I think this is pretty unlikely.

There's this guy I keep seeing which I feel the need to make note of because it's so frequent and bizarre. I met him because he was a customer. Young looking with a scraggly goatee and long hair, he and his girlfriend were trying to buy a bunch of bdsm stuff and Miguel told me to card him. I did and he was sketchy and said he forgot his ID and so did his girlfriend and because underage kids buying our stuff is a serious law suit waiting to happen, we denied him. He came back a week later with his ID and bought really vanilla stuff which seemed like a weird switch but whatever. Then I saw him a block from my house and I smiled at him and he looked freaked out. Then on my first day of classes I realized I was walking next to him twice in different parts of the campus. Weird. Then yesterday I was exiting the locker room embarassed because I realized that I am really gay because my not that short shortshorts are way shorter than anybody else's clothing. And there he was changing and I had to squeeze past him. Maybe this is not weird. Maybe I see the same people all the time and just don't notice.

Lex just left this morning for a two week vacation on the east coast. I am trying to repress all bizarre fears about plane crashes or natural disasters that will separate us. Maybe they are based on intuition or maybe it's just shitty wars and earthquake/hurricanes on the news combined with the foresight that our apartment will feel lonely with just me and the cat.
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